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July, 2007 Linkin Park - In Between (lyrics)Linkin Park - In Between (lyrics)
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed But somehow I got caught up in between Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed But somehow I got caught up in between Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way The things I want to say to you get lost before they come The only thing that's worse than one is none Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed But somehow I got caught up in between Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way The things I want to say to you get lost before they come The only thing that's worse than one is none The only thing that's worse than one is none And I cannot explain to you
In anything I say or do or plan Fear is not afraid of you Guilt's a language you can understand I cannot explain to you in anything I say or do I hope the actions speak the words they can For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way The things I want to say to you get lost before they come The only thing that's worse than one is none For my pride and my promise Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way The things I want to say to you get lost before they come The only thing that's worse than one is none The only thing that's worse than one is none The only thing that's worse than one is none December, 2006 Staind - Outside (lyrics)Staind - Outside (lyrics)
And you bring me to my knees, again
All this time that I could beg you please, in vain All the times that I felt insecure, for you And I leave my burdens at the door Im on the outside
Im looking in I can see through you See your true colors cause inside youre ugly Ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you All this time that I felt like this wont end
Its for you And I taste what I could never have Was from you All those times that I tried My intentions Full of pride And I waste more time than anyone Im on the outside
Im looking in I can see through you See your true colors Cause inside youre ugly Ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you All the times that I cried
All this wastin Its all inside And I feel all this pain Stuffed it down Its back again And I lie here in bed All alone I cant mend but I feel Tomorrow will be okay Im on the outside Im looking in I can see through you See your true colors Inside youre ugly Ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you November, 2006 Quote...
The light above my head….It is quite remarkable of the things that I am experiencing especially in my life now since I am living by myself. Wow that sounds like a bloody mouth full, somehow.
I have been meeting people all around the place, which I am surely unable to count on my hands and feet. The majority of these people that I meet have their own lives, and it is fascinating to hear a part of their life in the shortest amount of time. I would not know how to describe my experiences, but I surely know that some of these folks must think I’m either: a) an alcoholic, b) a freak, c) boring, d) not interested in their story. Okay to put it out strait I’m none of the above. I am who I am.
I have met some lovely ladies, gents, and well some people I have long forgotten. Sometimes I stand on the verge of falling off the cliff into insanity when listening to their life story, but after a moment of though I should not really be judgmental. In the amount of time I have taken to listen, and be listened to, I am so sure of myself that I do not know the person fully. I realize that to pass judgment could be the worst thing I could do.
So for now I thought this to be a short but yet simple entry into my blog, which is not expanding anywhere far, quickly. Maybe this is just a quick mental note that came up of a realisation of how people truly are, and how I am not supposed to be. I am thankful that I am open minded and able to make an opinion. I would rather have an opinion over someone, than a judgment, as the opinion is changeable, and a judgment is forever lasting.
If someone can answer me one question though: “Why is it that some people pass judgment before they know everything?” - A person assumes everything but knows nothing, and yet they still pass judgment. This okay I’m starting to confuse myself right now, but if anybody knows an answer to the question. Feel free to leave a comment. I’m sure I’ll read it, eventually.
Cheers October, 2006 Quote....
It was a weekendAnother weekend has come and another weekend has passed.
 Okay yeah this weekend was quite a weekend, especially if it started on tuesday already.
Let's see tuesday half a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka with play, then neat, and then with coke, while working and pissing the neightbour off. The maths: 79ZAR for the vodka (this is minus) + a good laugh (pricless) + document design (approx 1000ZAR) okay I had a good tuesday.
Wednesday mmm.... that was Q-bar with some ladies and some guys from work. This was exceptionally lovely. I wanted to leave at 7 but ended up leaving for the airport at 8h30, got to the aiport at 9h20 picked up brother, and then ended up at his place finishing off his vodka.
Thursday, Canteloops, B-day bash (yeah baby), started at 8 ended at .... ermm .... I got to bed at 3am. We started a drinking game about 5 times, but never really finished it once. Got to work on friday 15 minutes late, but that was expected as my boss was drinking with me the night before. I think of all the peeps at work who had had something, I was quickes sober on friday.
 Friday (recovery day 7 cans of coke chased by 2 cans of sugar sweet stuff) at about 2Pm I was already ready to go and get smashed again. Ended up at a club at 9Pm where they had to kick me out 'cause I had a phat chat with the barlady who was really sweet and made sure my drink was always full. Well that was her job at least. Okay it's scary to walk into a club these days and see girls running around there, that most likely haven't reached puberty yet. But then again let's not go there otherwise I will make enemies very quickly.
Friday morning well I got up and went to visit in Kempton Park... Hmmm nice. After this a really great braai hapened with the guys from work again. Talking about alot of various topics. It was entertaining. I probably was the only one that noticed the lady joining at a later point in the evening, and actually had a partly intelligent conversation with her. Until she fucked off and I fell asleep.
Okay so let's take a look at the scorecard for the weekend:
Okay so the weekend was a bit different than the weekend before. This weekend I can deal with. I though have to say that I'm feeling terrible It is scary, but still cool to hear a voice from the past, at least then one knows they have left an impression 3 months back. I have realized after this weekend, that inteligent conversation is so much better than sitting infront of a PC. So if I don't really have many blog entries I humbly do appologize. Well that would be the weekend. For those who do read my blog, have a great day. For those who are new here, have a great day too. And for those that like leaving comments, leave a comment or two. I enjoy reading them. cheers Taking a look back...Well yes I have reached apoint where I actually sit down and think of the days past to see what I would have done differrently, or things that I would never change. Needless to say I have realized something very shocking.
In the past 3 months I have met people that for some odd reason my brain is telling me I have met sometime before in my life. IT is scary to have thoughts as these but yet not be able to answer the question "From where do I know this person from".
Now the reason why I am bringing this up is because I met a really lovely lady, that for some odd reason, i feel as if I have met her before somewhere, but now the thing is I have absolutly no idea where i have seen her before. I also met a guy, who funny enough works with me. The first time I saw him I said "I remember you from somewher". Yesterday evening, well saturday, it hit me like a steam train. 2 years back b-day bash of a mate of mine. now that is scary shyt. Then really recently i met someone who stays far out at the airport. and somehow I have this strage feeling again. Okay I used to work in freight, so does this person. But now I'm concerned, from where do I know these people.
I seriously think I am experiencing a dejavu here. it's bad because for some odd reason things are happening that I cannot explain. These are partially good, and some are completely fucked up.
ok the only thing, or solution i can think of for these sittuation is to let it happen and slide with it, and not take the full fall when things mess up. Funny thing to be saying this now, since I have already fucked one thing up, and trying to make repremance, or sort it out is hard.
Okay anyhow I will not write more because my mind is still suffering from a really bad dream I had. (it's been a dream that was sooooo fucked up, i am scared to ever experience something like that, and my brain needs to cool down now.)
will write again about the weekend, evnetually.
ciao October, 2006 Repeating Quote
Learning to swim in the deep end...Hello again,
Well yes it's monday morning 1Am, and I just finished studying my backside off. Well after all it is my fault that I am still awake, and actually still sitting and writing a blog entry. Needless to say I have managed to study, though if the things I have read are actually still in my head would be a miracle.
Well yes the weekend was one of note. Been out of town again with a friend, and well got a culture shock, of seeing people drinking and being smashed 24/7 for the entire weekend. It's amazing. I also have this really odd feeling that I'm starting to speak english like a charro (no not one from Lenasia, but rather from Elderado Park) Okay so yes, the weekend was a ball, and if I take a look at the regular check list, I must say I have more or less done alot of things I wasn't planning on doing, but still ended up doing, somewhere along the line. Let's give it a run through.
Okay so my weekend was a blast, somehow, I think I might just have gotten a bit of a tan, on my arms, and face. Well my face is burning. There is no way in hell I'm going to smudg some jogurt on there now anyhow. Well let's see the highlight of the weekend was .... hearing a gunshot from a 9mm Baretta and seeing the bullet hit the ground. Okay it brough up two bad memories which I was trying to forget, but non the less, shit happens. So I guess I'll need to make an appointment with my shrink again sometime, as if I ever do go there (he used to be my sisters boyfriend, now that is scary) and maybe have a little chat with him. Anyhow yeah, I got home on sunday night shortly before 8Pm, jumped in my low flying jet and headed to my brother for some food and some conversation. Got home around 10Pm and started cramming my brain, just after I had a well diserved shower. Now ofcause I have to bring this blog to an end, and head to bed, got to be up early, and put on my X-trainers, and head on over to Microsoft for my Exam. Should anybody read this, please hold thumbs for me, I'll need all the bloody luck in the world for this one. Okay then Cheers, and I awaite any interesting comments (should anybody be keen on leaving some) September, 2006 comments....okay check this out ...
I enjoy receiving comments, no need to appologize for any comment left, they are all welcome.
I'm an open minded person and well yes i can talk about anything from sex to the weather, well it is nice and sunny outside and I can't wait for work to end, 'cause then I can go drinking and meeting new people.
 Oh Albert was a good man, and last time I checked some theories are proven, and some nutters are just taking advantages there.
 well anyhow yes leave comments, and u can be sure that I'll get around to takeing a look at your spaces as well
well enjoy this space, and leave me more comments
Krgds,Lex September, 2006 My good friend Einstein said once...
Creativity & Insanity ...Many people believe that in order to be a truly creative genius one must suffer from some kind of madness. In today's article I'll discuss the connection between bipolar disorder and creativity genius.
Modern American poets John Berryman, Randall Jarrell, Robert Lowell, Sylvia Plath, Theodore Roethke, Delmore Schwartz and Anne Sexton were all hospitalized for bipolar disorder during their lives. And many painters and composers, among them Vincent van Gogh, Georgia O'Keeffe, Charles Mingus and Robert Schumann were similarly afflicted.
The belief that bipolar disorder and creativity are related is not limited to artistic creativity. Consider for example the movie, "A Beautiful Mind", which tells the story of Nobel Laureate in economics, John Nash, who also suffered from bipolar disorder. Scientists have known for years that truly creative individuals have a much higher rate of manic depression, or bipolar disorder, than does the general population.
Stanford researchers Connie Strong and Terence Ketter, MD, have taken the first steps toward exploring the relationship.
Using personality and temperament tests, they found artists to be more similar in personality to individuals with manic depression than to healthy people in the general population.
Is it simply that manic depressive people have a wider spectrum of emotions and different points of view that enable them to sense the world in higher granularity?
Another theory is that people with bipolar disorder generate a great number of ideas during their mania period and then highly criticize them during depression, leaving only the most promising ideas, which are then further evaluated during the next manic period.
During episodes of mania, bipolar patients experience being in a good mood and their self-esteem is elevated. They sleep less and have abundant energy; their productivity increases.
Manic-depressives frequently become paranoid and irritable. Moreover, their speech is often rapid, excitable and intrusive, and their thoughts move quickly and fluidly from one topic to another. They usually hold tremendous conviction about the correctness and importance of their own ideas as well.
Studying the speech of hypomanic patients has revealed that they tend to rhyme and use other sound associations far more often than do unaffected individuals. They can also list synonyms or form other word associations much more rapidly than is considered normal.
Or perhaps it's the other way around? Perhaps people who are highly creative and intelligent tend to develop bipolar disorder? After all most manic-depressives do not possess extraordinary imagination, and most accomplished artists do not suffer from recurring mood swings.
Consider the quote by Henrik Tikkanen who said that, "Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence". Morals in life...Okay somehow I wanted to write something in here today, but everytime I reached the second paragraph I started drifting off topic... so anyhow this is the end result ... just leave a comment, open discussion about morals. cheers September, 2006 phew!!!Okay yes, another weekend came and went, and I must say it was a weekend of note. Also a bit extended because monday was a public holiday, which I was unfortunatly not able to enjoy. Work required my attendance.
Yeah this weekend I attended a batchelor party, which was AWSOME, with paintball being played and go-carts being driven. Needless to say it was FUN. Okay my legs are still suffering a little from the paintball event, but it was a good reality check and just shows that I am so bloody unfit. Okay but playing without an overral is better than with one. The heat was unbearable. Was loads of fun, and the go-carting ... awsome I just kept on trying to find the bloody clutch and the second gear.
Okay well anyhow the checks list looks interesting this weekend:
okay enuff off the weekend . I just know it's time to get fit again. will post another blog at some point in time, eventually. Have a great day and leave me a comment. September, 2006 U2 - With or without you (lyrics)U2 - With Or Without You
See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails she makes me wait And I wait....without you With or without you With or without you Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I'm waiting for you With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away My hands are tied My body bruised, she's got me with Nothing to win And nothing left to lose With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you September, 2006 Quote of the Month
September, 2006 towards the end of the month...Okay so another weekend has passed and eventually I actually have time to sit down and do another blog entry. The past weekend I had the luxury of heading to the south east coast, Jeffries Bay, the surf capital of South Africa. Needless to say there was a lot of wind, and the weather wasn’t all that hot to head into the water, and battling my way through rubbish on the beach from plastic coke bottles and hawkers wasn’t really much fun either. But eventually I did end up heading to the beach and enjoying myself. Well the weekend was great all in all and I had loads of time to relax. Even had the opportunity to up my brain activity with some reading, and some intelligence games , well yes when a computer is not available puzzles normally do come in handy. Back at work and the usual training continues with a slow start, but of cause the week is almost over so eventually it’s going to pick up to a faster pace. The usual checklist of the weekend looks interesting:
Well anyhow time to get concentrated on the training again. Need to know this crap, but I’m looking forward to getting home and getting my 2 brand new LCD screens. 19” LGs baby oooooooh watching a movie and working is going to be so much more sweeter now. Anyhow, l I’ll post another post at some point again, and hopefully, eventually, in some point in time I will put some pictures up. Just need to find some. Enjoy September, 2006 another weekend, come and gone...Alright then, another weekend has past, and it was quite a weekend may I add. Let’s go through the checklist once more and just make sure I have completed what needed my attention:
Okay so basically my weekend was like every other weekend. At least I got some things done, and also managed to put some thought into my little pow-wow that I’m going to have this week. Okay anyhow I’ll try and submit a blog entry again, eventually, hopefully. Does anybody actually find these entertaining? Why not leave me a message and let me know. Till again soon, hopefully/ September, 2006 The joy of parents ...Okay let’s examine the topic of parents. Okay yes they do take care of us the majority of our lives, and they are always there when we fall. Mothers carry us in their wombs for 9 months, change our diapers for 2 years, and make sure there is always food on the table in the evenings, or mornings. Fathers take us to school, and also distribute the appropriate discipline and maybe even teach us a few things along the way. When we are older they are sure to offer us a roof over our heads, and a shoulder to cry on when everything else fails. Okay so before somebody starts saying that I am not appreciative I just want to state that I am thankful for having parents, or having had parents. Okay let’s crack open the nut. My father and I did not have a great relationship, probably because he never knew how to show his emotions especially that he was proud of me somehow, somewhere, for something. By the way he passed away already. I just disagreed with him, his ethics and morals, on life, a bit. I still managed to learn quite a bit from him, in various fields. My mother and I had a great relationship as she was the one that stood up for me when I got myself info regular mischief. Oh and of cause the food always tastes better at home. So yes I am thankful for my folks. Now a few years down the line I must say growing up is a pain in the backside. Especially when a person finds themselves, figuratively speaking. Okay about 10 months back I got thrown in the deep in of a whirlpool, and I regret to admit that I have learnt quite a bit over the last 10 months. I could almost say that I have become selfish, though that would be a bit incorrect. The reason for this entry is that my mother is visiting after leaving me 10 months back, so I can learn to fend for myself, and yet I regret to say it hasn’t taken her more than 10 hours to actually manage to piss me off to a point where I really do not want to speak to her anymore, and I’m counting down the days for her to head back to Europe again. Last time I checked parents should support their offspring, rather than try and force their opinion down to the minority. Let’s face it, everybody learns through mistakes that they make in life. Okay some people don’t, other though do, like me. I know that from my point of view that I am fully capable of taking responsibility for my mistakes, and also to learn from them. I also know that there are risks in life, and I am willing to take these risks, otherwise I would never learn anything anyhow. Well let me end this entry with saying I got to have a little pow-wow with the elderly lady that is part of my existence and see what conclusion will present its-self. After all we are family and there should be a possibility to find a compromise somewhere. Stay tuned, there might be more to come… August, 2006 Quote
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, and no, not because of the alcahol, but rather because of someone, who ment something to me. I though cannot do anything in regards to the descission(s) made, and therefor will have to accept her choice. 
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